But for now, just stay with me.

I think it's time for an update. It's been a while. God is doing some amazing things with our family and in our lives. I'm not sure where we are headed in all of this, but we have really been striving to abandon ourselves to His will. The last 3 months is a blur.



November: Happiness.

We found out that baby #2 was on the way! We delighted in the fact that our family was going to be blessed with another life. We began preparing George for sharing the spotlight. He even got his first "big brother" t-shirt :)

December: Tragedy.

On December 9th, we found out that our precious gift had gone to heaven to be with Jesus. As a mother, I cannot describe the ache and emptiness in my heart this loss has left behind. Christmas was a quiet time. We celebrated the beautiful birth of Christ, and mourned the loss of our sweet David Isaac. We named him David...beloved, and Isaac, because in Genesis 22, God asked Abraham to give the ultimate sacrifice, his only son, Isaac. A child is the ultimate sacrifice, and I have never felt closer to Mary or more compassion for what she endured. I was not even able to see our child, and yet, the void was so great. I can't imagine what it is like to know and love a child for years, to watch them grow, and to lose them in death. This is something I will never understand. As I was miscarrying, I heard someone pacing our floors at night, and I felt the Father's love.
Audrey Assad's "Show Me" = my anthem for that time:

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me

January-March: Joyful but Weary.

There is no other way to describe us, but tired. Avrien is back in school and money has been tough, as well. We pick up extra jobs here and there to make ends meet, and honestly, I think God is keeping me busy as a gift. He knows that I have a "Martha Mind," and that the only times I am really sad now, are in the quiet moments.
We are joyful, and weary at the same time. Our family has experienced great grief and great joy in the last three months.

For now: Hopeful

It's lent. Christ's suffering and crucifixion is approaching. We have been given a the gift of identifying with Christ, and we will be given the gift, year after year, of hope and redemption in Easter.
We know God has a plan for our family. We know that David Isaac is a prayer warrior for our family. We know that we are faithful. We know that God is faithful. We know that we are blessed. Hope is what He's given, and hope is what we've got.

Present anthem: "You give and take away. Still, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name."